CHAPTER 7
"Hi Sis. Had any good bites on your bikini line this morning?"
I sat down beside Mandy and chuckled as she sneered at me.
"My you weren't gone long. Though you had a hot date this morning?"
I didn't answer just shrugged my shoulders and let my thoughts have free reign over my mind. I still could not understand why I had reacted the way that I had to Will's kiss. My determination to keep our relationship plutonic had faded away before I reached the beach. Therefore, it was just what I wanted. It was what I had been anticipating all morning. It was the reason I had gone to our secret cove so early. It had been the answer to all my dreams and hopes since last night. So why had I reacted so negatively to the very thing I wanted?
I pulled my knees up and rested my chin on them. Before I could stop myself a tear slipped from the corner of my eye, and I actually sobbed loud enough Mandy heard me. She turned to look at me, and when she did our eyes locked together. An expression of bewilderment and love was evident on her face. She placed a hand softly on my arm.
"Chuck. What's the matter?"
My sister and I always poked fun at each other, and sometime had our little quarrels. But we were very close, and when she ask me something like she just had I knew it was because of true concern.
I tried to speak, but when I did the sobs grew with intensity. Mandy twisted around and put her arms around me and let me lay my head on her shoulder. She stroked the back of my head and held me tight. I quickly regained some of my composure.
"Come on Honey, let's go someplace where we can talk."
I raised my head to see people staring at me. My face burned red with embarrassment. We stood and walked quickly away. Mandy led me back to our hotel room. Mom and Dad were out but we went into my room anyway. I sat down on the bed. I had regained my self-control but I was still ashamed to look my sister in the face following such an unmanly outburst of passion.
"Now you going to tell you little sister all about it?"
I knew she wasn't mocking me. She cared, she cared deeply. I finally looked at her and forced a smile.
"It's a little hard to talk about Sis. In fact, more than a little hard, I don't know if I can."
She took my hand in hers and slipped off the bed so she was kneeling on the floor between my legs. She put the back of my hand to her cheek and then kissed it softly.
"Perhaps I can make it easier for you."
"How?"
"Is it about the boy who kissed you this morning?"
My eyes went wide. And my mouth gaped open.
"How . . . how do you know that?"
"I followed you. I really wasn't spying on you. I just wanted to get a look at your new love is all. And I must say I was very impressed with what I saw. He's really hot."
I sat there with my mouth still hanging open.
"I must say you could not have made a better choice."
"You . . . you know Will?" I finally stuttered out some words.
"Of course I do silly. Remember I'm two years younger than you. I knew Will really well back in West Port. Gosh! I had a crush on him something terrible. But even back then he was so taken by you I knew I didn't stand a chance."
"You . . . you mean he liked me even back that far?"
"Sure did."
"And me liking a boy . . . that doesn't bother you?"
"Why should it, we have all know for sometime boys have held more of an interest for you than girls."
"What do you mean . . . 'we all knew'?"
"All of us. Mom and Dad and me."
Again, my chin felt like it bounced off the floor. This could not be real. I couldn't be hearing what my mind told me I was.
"But . . . but it's so wrong. It's just so wrong for me to love a boy."
"Why?"
"Why! What do you mean . . . why?"
"Simple. If that's the way you are. What's so wrong with it?"
"Sis, I don't think you understand what I just said. I'm in love with a boy!"
"Yes I know. And I'm so glad for you."
I sat staring at my sister not knowing what to say. Nothing was making since to me about our conversation. I heard Mom and Dad enter the adjoining room. Then I suddenly though, "What if Sis tells my parents? What if they find out?"
She stood up still holding my hand. "Just relax Chuck. Everything will be just fine." Then she started for the door.
"Mandy! Mandy please don't tell Mom and Dad. Please."
Her smile was so warm somehow it seemed to reassure me to trust her.
"It's all right Bud. Believe me I would never do anything to hurt you."
Before I could say another word she closed the door behind her. I sat there for a couple of minutes then slid back on the bed and drew up into a tight little ball, my knees pulled tightly against my chest and my arms anchoring them in place. It wasn't long before the door opened and my parents followed Sis back in.
The smiles on their faces served only to confuse me more. Confusing because I had expected to see anger and disdain. Sis sat down on the end of my bed while Mom and Dad sat down on each side of me. Instantly they both put an arm around me and hugged me tightly.
"Son we are so happy you finally realized who you are, and found someone to love."
That was all I could stand. I threw my arms around my Mother and began sobbing like a baby. I felt Dad's strong arms come around both of us as he hugged us tight.
I had never before heard my Father's voice so full of emotion. "It's all right Buddy. Have a good cry. We have sensed for a long time that you were one of the few who were chosen to love a boy instead of a girl. We are perfectly happy with that. We just want you to be happy and enjoy the rest of your life."
I cried and cried. Now my tears were tears of joy instead of tears of fear. Finally I turned to my Mother and gave her a big hug and a kiss. Then turning to my father I did the same. I stood up, took Mandy in my arms, and swung her around like a small child. She laughed and giggled at my playfulness.
I let her slide back to her feet then turned to Dad. "Why didn't you ever say something to me before? Why wait so long?"
"Because we wanted you to find your own way. We felt something like this was too important for you to be influenced in either direction."
I embraced my Father and let my head lay on his shoulder. "Dad . . . Dad I love you so much."
"OH my Gosh! Will!" It was like an explosion had just gone off in my brain.
"What the matter Honey?" Mom wanted to know.
"It's Will! The way I left him this morning on the beach. He must be devastated!"
Quickly I explained what had happened, and the way I had just left him sitting there crying.
"I've got to go! I've got to find him!"
Before anyone could say a word I grabbed a T-shirt, jerked it over my head and ran out the door. I waited impatiently for the elevator.
"Come on! Come on!" I muttered.
My excitement would not allow me to wait longer. I turned and ducked through the door leading to the stairwell, taking the steps two and three at a time as I sprinted down. I burst through the lobby door with such force it banged off the wall. The look of contempt I received from the desk clerk was his way of saying he was not pleased with my form of juvenile destruction. Then to make things worse I knocked the doorman down on my way out the front door.
"I'm sorry!" I shouted over my shoulder as I broke into a full run. I could see a line of house on the high cliff, perhaps a half-mile away. Will's home must be the first one in the line. If only I could go straight across, but I could not. It would be at least a mile, perhaps more, by way of the beach and jogging trail. I wasn't jogging I was running full out. By the time I reached the halfway point my legs were burning and my breath was coming in ragged gasps. The soft sand of the beach was hard to walk in, but to run as hard as I could, drained my energy levels rapidly. But I forced myself forward; my mind blocked out my lungs screams for air. Thoughts of my Will, and the anguish I knew he must have been going through because of my actions seared any consciousness to my pain. My heart was now so full of love for Will all I wanted was to take him in my arms and tell him so.
I rounded the last bend in the trail and staggered to a stop at the back gate of Will's home. I crouched forward, my hands on my knees and breathed heavily. There was no way I could talk gasping for breath the way I was. It took a full two minutes before my heart rate began to slow and I could feel my lungs filling with air again. I stepped up and rang the doorbell. I waited for what seemed an eternity than rang it again. Still no answer.
"This things not working! Can't hear any chimes."
I was so excited I was talking to myself. I sprinted to the front door and tried that button. Nothing but dead silence, no one called out, no on answered the door.
"Perhaps he's still down at the cove."
I ran back down the walkway between the house and garage. Movement inside the walk-in door to the garage caught my eye as I ran past. I slid to a stopped and hurried back to the door. When I looked inside what I saw froze my breath in my chest. My stomach heaved and wanted to regurgitate all its contents.
CHAPTER 8
One more good shove was all I would need. The plank would fall away and all my problems would be over.
"Will! What in the hell are you doing?"
The voice startled me and I struggled to hold my balance. I turned my head just in time to see Chuck run through the door.
"Got-damn-it! What the hell you doing!" He demanded one more time.
"Go away! I don't want to see you! Just get out of here and leave me alone!" I ordered. "I'm not going to put up with the crap I have to take here anymore."
To my amazement, I found I was suddenly angry, very angry. Why the hell did he have to show up right now? Tears began streaming down my face and I tried to kick the plank off the garbage cans again. It didn't make any difference how hard I tried it just would not budge. That's when I realized Chuck was standing at my feet and was holding the plank firmly against his body.
"Damn it! Just leave and let me do what has to be done!" Now I start crying full throttle. My body shook and convulsed and I lost all control of my emotions.
"Come on buddy. You can't do this. Everybody needs you."
"Needs me hell. I'm just in the road here. Taking up space. That's all."
Chuck had one arm around my legs, and the other around the plank. I could not step off the plank and I could not kick it free. The more I tried to end my life the more I cried. I could only hear bits and pieces of what he was saying through the din of my own weeping. I don't know how long we stood frozen in that position while Chuck tried to talk some sense into me. However, it was no use. My mind was made up and I was not going to change it now.
"OK! OK damn it! If this is the way you want it fine. But you owe me one favor before you hang yourself?" Chuck's voice sounded as though he really meant what he said.
"Why? Why do I owe you anything? After . . . after they way you left me this morning."
"Cause I have to do something. Something very important before you do this."
"What?"
"Just wait a minute. Just wait one damn minute. You're going to be dead a long time. Is just one more minute of life going to hurt?"
"OK. OK. Whatever!" I was crying, I was mad, I was hurt, I just wanted to get it over with and end it all.
Chuck cautiously turned loose of the plank. Nevertheless, I could see he kept his other hand warily close to my legs.
I sniffed hard and a shudder ran through my body. "Look I told you I'd wait. I'll keep my word."
"OK. OK. I'm trusting you to do just that."
Quickly he stepped over to the wood peg and took down another section of rope. He fashioned a slipknot in one end and threw it over the rafter next to my rope. He hurriedly tied the other end just below where I had tie mine.
"What the hell you doing?" Again, my body shook with spasms of my crying.
He didn't answer just jerked the knot tight and jumped up on the plank next to me. Before I could say anything he slipped the loop over his head and pulled it tight around his own neck.
"OK. I'm ready. Go ahead and kick the plank out."
"What the fuck! You crazy or something?" I bellowed.
"No more crazy than you. You said no one needs you. Well you're wrong. I need you. I need you very much. Your love is the greatest thing I've ever known. I fully believe you're my ANGEL sent to help me make the changes I need in my life. And if you're going to kill yourself I don't want to stay here either. Go ahead kick the plank!"
What he said hit me like a ton of bricks; again, the tears were renewed.
"Will. Please." And this time his voice was so soft. "There is something you really must know before you end our lives. I really meant what I just said. If you kill yourself I want to go with you."
"But . . . but why? Just this morning you though I was a pervert."
I was still sniffing and sobbing so hard I could barely talk.
"No I never!"
"Yes you did. I saw the way you looked at me. Then . . . then you just walked away. I know you though I was crazy."
"No my Angel. No I never!" Then I felt Chuck's arms come around me and he held me close. "It wasn't you I though was crazy. I though I was crazy because I couldn't let myself return you love."
He took just the point of my chin between his thumb and forefinger and turned my face so he could look directly into my eyes.
"My Angel. My wonderful Angel. I love you. I love you with every fiber of my being."
Then his lips covered mine. They were so soft, so tender. They spoke volumes just by their presence over my lips. I shuddered hard and my body melted against his. I let my lips part slightly and his tong entered my mouth. Not hard, not forcefully, but with such a tender love my tears doubled in intensity.
This time my tears flowed for a different reason. Now I shed tears because of relief, tears because of gratitude. Relief swept through me like a storm. I turn and threw my arms around him and hugged him tight against me. I cried some more I just couldn't help it. This was the first time anyone had ever stepped out on a limb for me. This was the first time someone had said, "I love you," and really meant it.
I was still clinging to him. "Come on Angel," Chuck said. "Let's get off this thing before we accidentally hang ourselves."
He slipped the rope off my head then removed his own. I was so weak and shaken I could barely stand on my own. He stepped down than reached up and put a strong hand on each side of my waist and helped me to the floor. I collapsed into his arms and our lips came together again. He supported my weight while we kissed. His lips were so soft, so sweet I did not know if my weakness was because of my brush with death or the passion I was feeling at that moment for Chuck.
Our kiss finally ended. Then Chuck reached down and placed one arm behind my knees and the other behind my back, he literally picked me up and carried me across the garage to where an old tarp was thrown on the floor. I was amazed at his strength as he gently laid me back on the soft pile of canvas.
We both still wore our Speedos. And when he lay down beside me he let his left leg fall between mine then he pulled his thigh up so it pressed firmly against my now growing bulge. His face hovered just above mine and I really think I could see sparkles in those big brown eyes of his.
It was so pure, so wonderful as I looked into those beautiful eyes. He never spoke, he simply mouthed the words, "I LOVE YOU." Then those lips, the very lips I had longed to kiss for years were again over mine.
I had tears in my eyes when our kiss ended, but there was something I wanted to know. Something I needed to know.
"Chuck . . . did . . . did you really want to kill yourself just now?"
"No, my Angel . . . but it was the only way I could think of to convince you of my love for you. Believe me Will . . . I LOVE YOU. But if it actually came to that . . . well . . ."
His voice trailed off. I put my hand behind his head and pulled his face to mine. I kissed him hard, long and hard.
"What in the hell is going on here now!"
My Father's voice sounded like the roar of a giant locomotive as it echoed angrily through the garage.
"Martha, come here!" He screamed at my mother. "Just come here an look at the got-damn faggot you've reared now!"
Chuck was so startled he rolled completely over me with his back against the wall. My father stormed into the garage like an uncaged lion. He grabbed me by the hair of the head and jerked me to a standing position. I saw his hand coming, but there was little I could do about it. However, this time I tried to duck, which lessened the blow, but I still went sprawling back against the wall of the garage.
"NO!" I heard Chuck scream.
I looked up just in time to see him charging my father like a profession linebacker. His right shoulder struck my father in the midsection and raised his feet off the floor. The force of the impact carried both across the garage and they slammed into the workbench. My father was sandwiched between the unmovable bench, and Chuck's powerful driving legs. I could hear the air leave my father lungs at the moment of impact. He crumpled to the floor, holding his stomach, and gasping for breath.
In an instant, Chuck was back on his feet and back at my side.
"Come on Angel let me help you up." His arms came under mine and he actually lifted me to my feet.
"You sons-a-bitches!" My father gasped between sucking big gulps of air. Mother was now at his side acting as though he was about to die.
Dad started to get up but Chuck turned and glared at him coldly. Father seemed to melt under the intensity of Chuck's stair. He wilted back to the floor and leaned back against the bench.
"There . . . there you see now Martha!" Dad muttered. "See what I been telling you for year. You go off and screw that damn neighbor and what the hell do you get for it. You gave birth to a fucken queer. You hear me Martha? A fucken queer!"
I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"Mom . . . Mom, what's he saying."
My dad shot back. "What am I saying? I'll tell you what I'm saying. I'm saying I'm not your father. Never was, and never want to be! I'm saying you been a pain in my ass all your life. Being forced to spend good money on you and taking it away from my own boys. That's what I'm saying!"
My knees buckled under me. Chuck grabbed me just before I hit the floor and steadied me back on my feet. The words I just heard were the most dastardly, most wicked, and vile thing I had ever heard. My head was reeling. Suddenly I had found the love of my life. Then the next instant my life was shattered again.
"Oh God NO! No God no." I moaned. Then I completely collapsed into Chuck's arms.
"Hay you!" Chuck looked at my dad, or at least the person I always thought was my dad. "Yes you, the pervert! Take your little queer and get the fuck out of here. Both of you out! Right now OUT! I never want that . . . that . . . that THING around my decent boys again."
"Mom?" I whispered.
She would not so much as look at me. Then in a voice I could barely hear, "You better do what Bob says. I think it would be best if you did leave."
I never had anything in my life hurt like those few words. The pain burned into my heart. And I though my chest would explode. I couldn't think, I couldn't talk, and it was as though I were in some horrifying dream that I could not awaken from.
"Come on Angel, let's get out of here. You're going with me."
It seemed I moved in slow motion as Chuck lead me to the door. Once we were outside I blinked hard trying to adjust my eyes to the bright glare of the sun.
I leaned on my Chuck all the way back to the hotel. I felt like my mind had completely stopped working. It seemed to slip into a mode of self-protection as it tried to block all remembrances of the last five minutes. My eyes barely focused and my legs were rubbery and sluggish. I noticed people staring at us as Chuck helped we through the lobby but I didn't care. After what I had just been through their gawking meant nothing.
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